Help me find peace & love?

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Permalink Reply by Amberhawk on September 15, 2008 at 4:54pm

Witchvox.com and meetup.com both host adds and groups for pagans and wiccans in most areas. You can try checking both to see if there are regular public meetings nearbye and such. Its a good way to start up a new group of friends and networking. You can also try volunteering in an animal shelter or animal hospital for a while to reconnect. There is always the chat if you just wanna kick back a while. It's a little (a lot) wonky though and you sometimes have to reload it a few times to get it going.

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Permalink Reply by WhisperOfTheWoods on September 15, 2008 at 7:03pm

This may sound trite...but what it always came down to for me was, obviously the person wasn't "the perfect person for me". Because part of what would have made him perfect, would have been that he stayed.

And yes, I know there isn't actually any such thing as "perfect," but sometimes the grief after a breakup is the thought that you'll never meet anyone so fabulous again. The truth is that you will because he really wasn't as incredible as you're thinking he was. He was only half as incredible. One half came from who he is/was. The other half came from who you made him out to be.

Huge hugs to you. I know how badly this hurts.

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Permalink Reply by Lu on September 15, 2008 at 7:14pm

Janelle,

I am kind of going through a similar situation. The pain, heartache and anger rear their ugly heads at random times. The gentleman I was in a relationship started seeing someone else but still wants to be friends (we email each other through out the day). He has stated the he does not know how to respond sometimes when I ask him certain things or if it is true (he still refuses to tell me if he is seeing this person - though I know he is). I found all this out while I was home on vacation for my birthday.

I agree with the suggestion of volunteering. It will help you meet new people. I signed up at the local Red Cross chapter, joined this site to learn more about my chosen path and I have thrown myself into completing my bachelors. True, I may be ignoring the situation but in reality I am not. Every sunrise I ask the Gods and Goddesses to help me accept what has happened and to guide me to through the tangled web of lies, deceit and pain. Everyday I get closer to getting out of web.

Hang in there and if you need an ear or shoulder I am here.

Lu

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Permalink Reply by shadow wulf on September 15, 2008 at 9:48pm

Janelle, I can most certainly relate to what your going through . I myself had went through a very bad emotional time about 15yrs ago. only difference I was ready for it to end ,what I wasn't ready for was loosing my children in the process. My ex had been messing around with other men for some time , she was constantly trying to push me to violence for at least two years before the break up there had been numerous complaints lodged with the authorities about her care of the children whom were my world . and the court let her have them and removed me from the picture . this left me just as empty as your feeling right now . Ending your life is not the answer life is a gift given by the goddess and is not yours to end . what you must do is first clear your mind of all these negative thoughts center yourself and remember no one has only one soul mate I know as you probably would if your thinking clearly that no matter what alignment of planets numerous people can be born at once so any one of them can in that sense can be a soul mate Also every ending doesn't mean stop its just a new beginning . right now concentrate your energy on you and getting through the pain, and see yourself for the unique and important spirit you are. Blessed Be, roger (aka ; Shadow wulf)

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Permalink Reply by shawnee on September 15, 2008 at 10:06pm

perhaps you should focus on just working on you for awhile.work on finding what you are looking for and bring peace back into your life.try and take a step back and look at the pattern that you say you are in and see how you can stop it.if you need someone to talk to i am happy to listen and help in anyway i can.you can message me on my page.*bright blessings

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Permalink Reply by Sword_of_Light on September 16, 2008 at 10:11am

Right, well, if you're in a cycle, it probably means that you've got something to do with keeping it a cycle. Thats not a recrimination - my entire family is well known for our temper, and I've had to work to deal with it. But cycles remain cycles because you remain who you are:

Cycles of abuse become cycles because people go for the same things in partners again and again, telling themselves this time it'll be different - so, the first thing you need to do is examine the kinds of men you find yourself drawn to - what are you looking for in these men? In other words where do you want to be in a relationship, and what, instead happens? Whats the difference between the two?

Second, you say 'chaos and drama' - that says to me you need something to help your focus. Again, not a recrimination - my wife, who is one of the most together people I know, mediates in the morning. I'm hoping that a Tai Chi class will have similar effects on me - martial arts was a great way to focus my ADHD. What you should look for is something to ground you for the day, and it could be anything - it could be something like meditation or tai chi, it could be a ritual you perform - not necessarily wiccan - I've always thought the British custiom of tea time was a rather good ceremony to break apart the day. Just something you do, just for you, that requires focus.

You finally need to find something that gives you a sense of self-worth beyond other people. I've got science, I've got writing, these are things I can express myself, I can feel positive about - and they're mine! I did this thing, I wrote this story, mine mine mine. My wife's got her bellydancing, its hers, she goes off and teaches every sunday, she leaves me to deal with the monkey-boy, sink or swim. She's got coven. I've got my roll playing games - I get to pretend once a week that I'm a heavily armed Japanese troll who makes an obscene amount of money from crime. Trust me, its quite cathartic, and I get a perverse pleasure in making my buddy Ian laugh so hard he can no longer breathe.

So ending your own life is your choice. Its a selfish choice, because it doesnt take into account anyone else but you, not friends, not family, but its a choice all living things make - do you have it in you to survive? I asked that same question when I was 12 - it was a stupid question, because I could not imagine what my life would become in the decades to follow, all I saw was the here-and-now, and that was pretty awful. And so I say that suicide is stupid and selfish - my life has had some really awful bits to it, maybe not as awful as yours, but it still sucked to be me. Yet, by the same measure, while things were awful, they were sometimes fantastic. I've been in 30' seas, I've seen my son's first smile, first step. I've walked across a stage with an advanced degree. At 39 I have no idea whats next - none - could really, really suck to be me shortly. I'm betting that the great stuff will far outweigh the lousy, and I'm enough of a fighter to never give up until I get to the great.

-Don

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Permalink Reply by Lady Azaria on September 16, 2008 at 9:56pm

As painful as it might be, I would let him go..If he can't support you and help you with the issues you are having with you daughter, which in my opinion, is part of the package, when it comes to you, then he isn't worth the effort. Your child is more important then any man will ever be..My suggestion would be to focus on yourself now and your daughter. Part of being happy with someone is being happy with yourself and eventually you will find that someone who will accept and love you for what you have to offer..I went through a failed marriage and a failed 5 year relationship before I actually found the one who was right for me. Someone who has accepted me for my faults and loves me for who I am. He also loves my children and that was probebly the MOST important thing for me. Good Luck..!!

Lady A~~~

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